The past few Sundays we have focused on Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18 about handling conflict and forgiving those who have hurt or offended us. It is so important that we as Christians learn to handle conflict with each other following the plan that Jesus lays out for us. Conflict is a necessary reality of life. When you get people together, you get conflict. Differences in personalities, opinions and ideas lead toward conflict, and it isn’t just limited to people that you don’t care for. Some of the deepest conflicts that many of us face come from our relationships with those we care about the most. They key is not to learn to avoid conflict; there are even times when conflict is necessary for us to grow together. What we must do is learn to handle conflict in a way that brings glory to God and that upholds the reputation of the covenant community of the church.
One of the keys to dealing with conflict in this way is that we learn to be a forgiving people. It is no mistake that Jesus follows his instructions in Matthew 18:15-20 with very pointed words about how we are to forgive one another in light of all that we have been forgiven in verse 21-35. If you have missed the last few Sundays, I would encourage you to read the second half of Matthew 18 and to go on our website to download and listen to the sermons.
When we talk about forgiveness, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that forgiveness is not always easy – in fact, it is often very difficult. But Jesus makes it clear that we must forgive each other in light of all that we’ve been forgiven. The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 is such a clear picture of this. Forgiveness can be hard and it is often costly. In order to forgive someone who has hurt or offended you, you have to lay down your rights and in pursuit of reconciliation above retaliation. I don’t want to undersell how truly difficult this might be to do, but we cannot escape the fact that Jesus calls us to forgive others knowing that no matter how they have hurt us, our offense against God is even greater. We give forgiveness not because anyone earns or deserves it, but because God forgave us when we didn’t deserve it.
As costly as forgiveness may be, withholding forgiveness is even more costly. When you choose not to forgive someone for the wrong they have done, you are building a wall between yourself and God. You cannot experience the joy of God’s forgiveness if you are not willing to forgive others in the same manner that he has forgiven you. It’s not that his forgiveness becomes unavailable, but by choosing to put your standards of right and wrong above God’s, in effect you are saying, “God might forgive this, but I won’t.” What if how you forgive others set the standard of how you were to be forgiven?
In the last verse of Matthew 18 Jesus speaks of forgiving someone from your heart. In many situations, this kind of forgiveness requires strength greater than you or I possess. But take heart, because God will not call you to forgive others only to leave you alone and isolated, without the power to forgive them. By placing our trust in him and looking to cross of Christ as our example, we find the strength we need to accomplish anything that he requires of us. This is why Paul tells the Philippians that “it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”
So if you find yourself in a situation where you are holding on to feelings of bitterness and wrestling to forgive someone who has hurt or offended you, I call on you to look to the cross of Jesus Christ. Remember that you do not forgive only those whom you feel like deserve it, but your forgiveness should match the extravagant nature of God’s love for you.
